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Well, I was better, and then I was sick again and now I’m doing a bit better again. It is the most frustrating thing. After calling in sick to work every day last week, my boss decided to put me on a sick leave of absence. It is for the best for everyone, he can hire someone to cover my hours and not worry about being short-staffed if I call in sick, and I can focus on my health without feeling guilty calling in sick all the time and return when I’m healthy. Still, it feels like a setback somehow but I’m trying not to think of it that way.

I see the doctor this afternoon. I don’t think I want another Gentamicin treatment at this point. I had vertigo last week but now I’ve had a few decent days in a row so I want to wait and see if maybe I just need some more time to recover and get my balance back. Today I had lunch at my favorite small, local restaurant with my mom. We’ve been going there forever and we go often so we know the owners rather well. I was talking to John, one of the owners today and he asked how work was so I explained things to him and it turns out that his wife Nancy, the other owner, has had spells of vertigo and some other symptoms. Doctors apparently mentioned Meniere’s but she’s been fine for a while now. He said that the next time we’re in he wants to get my doctor’s name and number. Also recently, my sister’s good friend’s boyfriend found out he may have Meniere’s. I met him briefly at our graduation party and Julia (my sister) mentioned to me recently that she wants my doctor’s info to pass on to him. I also referred a woman who is a friend of someone my dad works with to my doctor. When all these things happen, it makes me think that Meniere’s is either more common than people realize, or maybe it’s just a small world. It makes me so sad to hear of others suffering from it but it is also nice in a way when people already know what it is and I don’t have to explain it to them.

In other news, I officially moved out of my parents’ basement this past weekend and into the apartment with my fella. It was a tiring weekend but it’s such a relief to have all of my things in one place. I’ve been looking forward to this for a while now and it is great to get all of my things organized and really make this place feel homey.

If anyone wants to see the final project I did for my Flash class, you can see it here. I’m quite happy with it and plan on making it available for LV folks to use. Speaking of LibriVox, I’m easing myself back into it and into my podcast, now that I find myself with a bit more time, less stress, and able to read more. I just recorded a chapter of Anne of Green Gables, the first one in two months, and will edit and release it probably later today. As soon as I started recording I realized just how much I have missed it. For LibriVox I’m going to stick to recording for now, I really think all of the coordination burnt me out. I may jump back in eventually but for now I want to make sure it stays fun.

I’ve been doing a lot of knitting but I can’t post it because it’s a surprise gift for someone. I may post a picture just of the fabric at some point, we’ll see. I still need to finish up my Camo sweater and I’ve got some socks on the needles too.

I want to start posting book reviews again, I’ve been listening to a lot lately. But right now I’ve got to head out to the doctor.

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I’m still sick, had a second gentamicin injection on Monday (the 7th). Waiting for the nasty stuff to really kick in although this week hasn’t been much fun. I’m done with school which is kind of unbelievable and hasn’t quite sunk in yet. If I had attended my graduation, it would have been on Friday the 11th. So I’m officially a graduate, officially done with my Masters, officially a librarian. It is so nice to have that weight off my shoulders.

So what does a sick gal stuck at home do? Knit of course. And listen to lots of Harry Potter. I just finished listening to the 6th one and don’t know what I’m going to listen to next. I finished Julia’s Bag and it turned out great:

zipper and strap:

and a pocket on the inside:

And Julia liked it so that’s what matters. I’m realizing I should get myself a basic sewing machine. Just for sewing on zippers and such.

A few weeks ago I wanted to try out Log Cabin knitting as made popular in Mason-Dixon Knitting by Kay Gardiner and Ann Meador Shayne because I’m thinking about doing a baby blanket in that style this summer. So I grabbed some leftover yarn from another project and it turned out well enough. It’s just two colors so the Log Cabin isn’t as clear as it could be but I got a feel for how to work it evenly. And I ended up with a big rectangle. I let it sit on the table for a few days while I tried to decide what to do with this lovely, soft rectangle. And I decided to make it into a hand towel for our bathroom. So I got out my copy of The Knitter’s Bible by Claire Crompton and used the tiny bits of yarn I had left to make two little I-cords and sewed them on as handles. It’s not very tidy or well done but it served its purpose and its a decent hand towel!

I finished my Yellowstone Socks: and they are lovely and warm and fit perfectly. I had to knit the second one on needles one size smaller to get them to come out the same. Apparently I’m not great at making two things of the same size. But I’m in love with sock knitting. The yarn is Mountain Colors Hand Painted Yarns - Bearfoot inthe colorway “Yellowstone.”

Thanks to all who advised on the Camo Sweater sleeves, I decided to leave it as it was and the second one did in fact match. The sweater is nearly done, I just need to sew up the underarm seams, knit the collar, weave in ends and block it then I’ll post some pics.

I’ve been working on Mother’s Day gifts and a graduation gift for my sister so those are top priority right now as they would ideally both have been done by now. But I felt the need to update. I fiddled around with my blog layout a bit and I think I like it better, it’s a bit more streamlined.

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I had the gentamicin injection this past Monday (the 23rd). That new ear tube I had put in a month ago? According to my doctor my ear drum “was spitting it back out.” And then he said something to the effect that my ear drum scares him, lol. So he pulled the tube out and there was still an opening to do the injection through. All that stuff where they say it is relatively painless? Yeah, they lie.

According to my doctor and some of the articles I’ve read, the bad reaction vertigo often doesn’t hit right away. My doctor said that his patients usually are okay for 7-10 days when the bad stuff hits and then lasts a few days. Some doctors think the cells are initially stunned and take a while to react, some doctors think it takes that long for the gentamicin to soak through and circulate through the inner ear. In any case, I’m on day 5 and the worst I felt was Monday night and that was mostly the pain from the treatment. I think I feel worse than I have the past few weeks, but I definitely haven’t had that big reaction vertigo yet. It’s like there is this time bomb inside me and I don’t know when it will go off. I want it to go off so I know the treatment works and I don’t have to have it again.

In the meantime I passed comps and am putting the finishing touches on my final project for the Flash class. It’s just sort of now starting to sink in that I’m almost done with school. I mean, really, totally done. Not three weeks to relax and it starts all over again, but done forever! Just think of all the things I’ll be able to do without school constantly hanging over my head.

I’ve done plenty of knitting when I’ve been too sick to do much else so I’ll post about that soon. Now, off to finish my project before this time bomb goes off.

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So where have I been? Doing research on two very different topics: library science and inner ear surgery. I just completed hell week, also known as Comprehensive Exams. Four research papers on current issues in library and information science and technology, each coming in around 6 pages long (that was the limit — as one classmate put it, when did it get harder to write shorter papers than longer ones?). I think Comps are outdated and have become pointless, especially with the way our degree is obtained these days but that’s a whole ‘nother story.

But they’re done now so all I have left between me and my degree is my final project for my flash class which is FUN, unlike writing research papers. And honestly, comps probably wouldn’t have been so hellish if I hadn’t been battling Meniere’s symptoms all week. And I mean big time symptoms. Vertigo nearly every day. Mild compared to what I’ve experienced in the past but enough to keep me in bed and unable to tolerate light or sound most of the day. Massive fatigue. Terrible fullness in my ear causing headaches, neckaches, shoulderaches, and on one occasion, a migraine. I made it to work one day and I had to leave early. My boss is so understanding and sympathetic and I know that this past week was probably particularly bad because of the stress of comps. But enough is enough.

I’ll be curious to see how this next, relatively low-stress week goes for me health wise. But the last few weeks have pushed me on to the next step: Gentamicin injections. Yup, I’m ready for it and now that I’ve done plenty of research on it and especially read up on recent studies, I’m very encouraged about the chance to have total control of vertigo. The downside? 7-10 days of vertigo as a reaction to the treatment, although it is actually a good sign because it means the poison is getting in there and killing the little damaged hair cells and my brain is reacting and learning to depend more on my good ear for balance. That’s the best un-medicalese definition I can give but if you want to know more about Gent treatments for Meniere’s Disease, I really like this doctor’s website: http://dizziness-and-balance.com/treatment/ttg.html

The sweater. Decision was to stay with 160 stitches and go down a needle size and measure more often. But that got put on the back burner because yesterday was my little sister’s birthday and she picked out the laptop messenger bag from Stitch ‘n Bitch Nation for me to make for her. She picked out her colors and I’ve been working on it here and there when I’ve had down time or been unable to do anything else. Health and comps prevented me from getting it done on time but it’s nearly there, just some finishing touches needed and then the felting. I’ve never done felting before and it’s a bit frightening but I’m sure I’ll survive. I just hope the bag does too. I’ll take pictures soon and post, hopefully pre and post felting. The sweater will be picked up again soon.

Oh, by the way, my first gentamicin injection will be the 23rd, a week from tomorrow. I’m taking the week off work in anticipation of the vertigo. I’m stocking up on audiobooks and knitting projects for when I’m too ill to do anything else. I’m starting to listen to the Harry Potter books. I’ve made a habit of re-reading the previous ones before a new one comes out. This time I decided I’ll listen to the first six before I read the seventh one which will be out in a few months. Good books I’ve read (or listened to) recently but am too lazy, tired, and sick to blog about:

The Emperor’s Children, by Claire Messud

Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury

Lucky, by Susan Patron

Two thumbs up for all of them but I’ll blog about them later. It’s nice to have a bit of time to blog. Sorry to my audio fans, I haven’t been able to record with the time constraints and super-sensitive ear but hopefully I’ll get a chapter or two done this week. Now that comps are in the past, it seems like I finally have time to do things I want to do. If only I felt well enough to do them all. Hence the Gentamicin injections. Wish me luck.

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Good news: the vertigo appears to be under control although I’m still druggy and dragging and just not myself. I made it to work every day this week and made it through the whole day each day which feels so good. However, I also napped a couple hours after work pretty much every day to recover. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for much else and the stress in my life hit an intolerable level.

I’ve realized that stress is almost certainly making the Meniere’s worse and with some help from a wise soul I took a hard look at all of the things in my life that take up my time and energy. This wise soul pointed out that I need to cut back to the point where I can accomplish every thing that is on my plate even when I’m not feeling well. Then when I am feeling well, any extra stuff I can get done is bonus. I also need to not feel guilty about taking time to read and knit because those are my calming things. Knitting is almost meditation to me.

So, the things in my life that entail some sort of obligation and which cause me to feel guilty if I neglect them are: work, class on flash animation, approaching comprehensive exams, my podcast, my blog, a website I run for my family, and LibriVox. And here’s the plan…

Work is my priority. I enjoy my job and I’m blessed to work with people who are understanding about my illness. Even if I didn’t need the money, I’d want to work because several years of not being able to work made me realize how essential it is for me mentally to feel useful and appreciated.

After work, the next priority is finishing my Master’s degree in Library Science. This is the last semester and the last class. I’m doing well in my class. In fact, that mini project I posted about a while back got named “best overall” out of 30 something odd students in the class. Which is nice but also drove home just how much of a perfectionist I am. I don’t have to become a flash genius, I just need to pass the class, and I need to keep my standards I set for myself reasonable. The other component of finishing the Master’s is comps. A week of writing four papers each 4-6 pages in length. I could be preparing more than I am but that’s not my style. I’m a last minute writer. That week will come and I’ll get the papers done and it will be fine. I can’t let it hang over my head until then.

So then there are my various online projects. My blog is more something for myself that I enjoy than an obligation, as is my podcast. My family’s website is really minimal maintenance although I do need to upgrade the phpBB software. I’d like to devote more time to my blog eventually and my podcast has been terribly neglected recently. I never record because whenever I have time to do that, I realize how much LibriVox stuff I need to catch up on and my own project gets put on the back burner, sometimes for a month at a time.

As much as I love LV, it has become an obligation instead of a fun thing. I want it to be fun again. I want to record my chapters without feeling guilty. I want to go a week without logging in. So the biggest thing I’m doing to adjust my life is I’m taking a break from coordinating projects on LV. This is hard. I love LV and I hate feeling like I’m putting more pressure on others. But at the same time, as soon as I made this decision and spoke up to the other coordinators, I knew I’d done the right thing. Everyone jumped in with help and support and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I want to come back to coordinating, especially poetry, when my life is more normal. But for now, LV is going on the back burner.

I know this may be dull to anyone who has read this far but I’m writing this as much to clarify my own thoughts and plan as anything else. And I feel better about things. I feel like life is manageable again.

Tomorrow I will record a chapter and post a knitting update and not feel a bit of guilt for doing so.

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